Lamplit thoughts: The roll-credit moment.

If any of you are fans of CinemaSins you’ll enjoy that carefully-selected title to give some jazz to my first post.

Lamplit thoughts is the name of my page, because i’m currently sat here in my lamplit room typing this out. I expect to write the majority of my posts in the comfort of my lamplight because i’m usually doing stuff during the day, and in my downtime in the evening I like to reflect- not just on the day but on stuff in-general. I’m one of those who when they lie down they start instantly making up scenarios and then when one strikes a chord you think about what led you there in the first place. Before you know it you’re thinking ‘shit, I’ve just planned the rest of my life out with someone I’ve spoken to for one week.’ Well, it’ll be much better for me to think stuff through and then talk it out on here rather than taking racing thoughts to bed with me. I think that’s the way I’ve set this page up. I hope it feels like you’re actually sat with me whilst you’re reading this. On my page I’ve adopted a dimmed layout with a picture of my desk under the lamplight at its header. I want a visit to my page to feel like you’re sat with me, and we’re talking about how the day has been, or life in-general, or a film you quite like, or anything like that. I want the page to have a laid-back feel to it. It’s inspired by my room, which has that relaxed feel to it. My room is where I feel safe and able to really relax, so it seems fitting to me now to start a blog where i’m talking at you all at my most comfortable. As someone with anxiety I find it very difficult to be relaxed around people, even some of those who i’m quite close to. In conversations I devote a lot of my mental energy to deciphering whether or not i’m being my normal self. By the end of it i’m tired and I need time alone, and usually i’d play video games, or more recently i’ll go to the gym or go for a run- yay health. Now, I want to start addressing that, because I love people and I shouldn’t tire so easily. That tiredness comes from the anxiousness I feel as soon as someone talks to me. I assess every way the conversation could go, and I try to filter out all the possibilities that could make the conversation, and my relationship with that person, go awry.

I’m going to begin to address that problem with this blog. This blog is my way to learn how to speak to people without worrying about how i’m going to come across. Looking at how any keyboard warrior behaves tells you that when you’re not faced with a real person in front of you who can respond to your face to the things you say with how they feel about what you say, it’s a lot easier to be your real self. That’s my starting-point, I guess. I express myself in my most relaxed environment, and I remember who that is, and then in real-life scenarios I have to challenge myself to be that guy.

So yeah, that’s quite short and sweet, but there’s the origin story as best as I can explain it right now. Onwards from here!

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